Posted by Trab on December 21, 2002 at 09:42:11:
In Reply to: Re: Mars and Venus posted by Cleopatra on December 21, 2002 at 08:45:50:
: : : Do you think that men are incapable of fidelity? Is that like some sort of glandular thing or what? Do you think women are equally faithless?
: : : Yours ever,
: : : Cleo
: : Isn't all relative to one's surroundings/relationships/agreements? I mean, some folks believe that thinking about another person in "those" ways is being unfaithful.
: : I seem to think the bigger picture is about lying, mistrust, and disrespect. To me, any one of these three things hurts way more than cheating. I can live with my partner wanting to have sex with other people. The love that I have for someone isn't based on sex (believe it or not). It's based on a combination of things. While I know I have my hangups and such, I still look at all the things that make up my partner as opposed to just the sex we have (or don't have). I, myself at times feel the need to have another person involved in my sexual practices. I don't typically prefer to go out and have sex without my partner, though I can't say that thought hasn't crossed my mind, but it's more of a rarity for me.
: : I certainly believe that if my partner feels a need to cheat, then somewhere along the course of the relationship, something else if failing. It boils down to my partner isn't getting what she needs from me and has to turn to someone else. Trust me I've been there. :<
: : For me, it's all about the agreement. My partner and I should live by the agreement we make. I think though, more times than not, there is either no agreement expressed, or the agreement is assumed or implied on one or both sides. I've been there also. I'm hoping these things will happen less and less as I grow older.
: : Trab
:
: You seem to be making the distinction between sex and love, as though having sex with someone other than your partner is OK, so long as you're not emotionally involved. That was the point I was making. That seems to be a peculiarly male perspective. Well here's a newsflash - it is *not* OK, it *does* count, it's sleazy and I agree, it's disrespectful.
What I'm saying is sex with someone other than your partner is only ok when there is an arrangement with your partner that makes it ok. I'm not saying it in general "OK" other than for me and those who deem it ok. Like I said in my first line, I know people who think that just "thinking" about another person is wrong. I know other people that insist that their partners cheat. We all have different levels of thought. I don't think we can make broad generalizations. My thoughts here are purely my own and only really apply to me. While I think you can say that you feel it's wrong, which is perfectly ok with me for you, I don't think it's "NOT ok" by everyone's rules.
Personally, I think it's 50/50. I know men who would never cheat on their partner. I know men who can't do anything but cheat. On the other hand, I know women on both sides of the same fence. It always takes two to tango. Augh, did I just say that? I guess I did.
It seems in heterosexual life, a man's role by nature is to soil his seed whereever he can, it's why we have so much seed to soil. women's roles by nature are to make a man's life a living hell...err to be with just one man per pregnancy. Over time, these two roles have grown in to so many different things. I'm lost as usual. j/k
In life, we just have to find our match I think. I've looked alot myself. I know it's tough. relationship after relationship. Sooner or later though, hopefully we find that person who is the ying to your yang. Lord knows I can't find mine. Or maybe I did but was too blind to see it. Who knows. I guess when I'm six feet under, I'll know.
Trab
P.S. To all the women I ever said "I love you" to, I always meant it. It's why breaking up for me is so hard to do. Hence the dungeon and the tracking devices.